Stick 32

So we waited ages, here at the Stick Foundry home of Found A Stick, for our first stick fashioned by the hand of man and then wouldn’t you know it a second stick fashioned by the hand of man comes along in quick succession. Sticks fashioned by the hand of man are like buses, it seems here at Found A Stick. But only in the sense that buses are a convenient and generally reliable form of public transport and if sticks fashioned by the hand of man were also buses, then they too would be a convenient and generally reliable form of public transport. Anyway we digress so let’s get back to the matter in hand.
Melissa Applewine of Northampton, England has found a most intriguing stick that has been the subject of much conjecture here at Found A Stick. So tell us Melissa where did you find a most intriguing stick that has been the subject of much conjecture here at Found A Stick?
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I was in the local branch of H&M in the changing rooms upstairs trying on this beautiful red dress I had come across. I was shopping for an outfit to wear to my work’s upcoming Christmas party and was looking for something both stylish and suitably festive because I always like to wear something both stylish and suitably festive to the work’s Christmas party. But though the dress looked perfect on the hanger when I tried it on it did not hang well on the shoulders. A shame that because I really did like the dress. So I changed out of it and left the changing rooms and noticing that time was getting on I reluctantly gave up my search for something both stylish and festive to wear at my work’s upcoming Christmas party, for the day. (I’ll resume it on the weekend). So I then took the down escalator down to the ground floor and then departed the shop. Well not before being swept away by the greatest sparkly red and silver scarf in the accessory department. I mean surely it could go with whatever dress I do finally find for the upcoming work’s Christmas party, right? (And this triumphant find also means that I no longer had to go along with my self imposed limitation I had imposed on myself to find a red dress for my work’s upcoming Christmas party but could now broaden my search to other colours of dresses, confident that the sparkly red and silver scarf I had just purchased so fortuitously in the accessory department would bring the desired suitably festive touch I desired.) I then walked briskly down the high street until I reached my bus stop. After a ten minute wait my bus arrived so I boarded it and sat near the back, looking through my bags at some of my more successful purchases of the shopping trip to wile away the time on the twenty minute journey home, such as the really cool blue top with white embroidered patterns at the neck., the black jeans that fitted just right and the yellow skirt I was really pleased with at the time but looking at it again I was now not sure about, so I might take it back. Finally I arrived at my stop and I got off the bus that I had been travelling on and crossed the road at the lights. Then I walked down the street and turned left, walked down that road (picking up my pace a bit aware that it looked like it might start raining any minute which would ruin my blow-out) and at the end of that road I turned right into my street, walking down it towards my house. As I arrived at my front gate I happened to look down and immediately noticed with my eyes this rather intriguing stick.

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Hmm...so you found the stick outside your front gate? So why did you bother…oh, never mind. Please continue Melissa.

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I bent down and picked it up but did not look at the stick that I had found until I had put all my shopping away and made myself a nice cup of tea and sat down. When I did then look at the stick that I had found I have to admit I was quite mesmerised by it. It is, I estimate, nearly six inches in length and for most of that length of nearly six inches it possesses four flat sides of exquisite smoothness of such smooth exquisiteness that is so exquisitely smooth that the only thing I can think to compare it to would be to imagine, if you will, George Clooney as a babe in arms and how smooth his baby bottom would have been. Yes, that smooth. But then if this exquisite smoothness was not enough, though it is enough, towards one end the stick that I found tapers off and as it does this tapering I have just mentioned it becomes rounded like doweling is rounded before finishing at a flat smooth point. Meantime while all this tapering action is going on at that end at the other end it is strangely and unexpectedly ragged and splintery which is unexpected and strange because the rest of the stick is so precise. I find myself baffled and flummoxed as to what the original purpose of the stick I have found could possibly be but as I look at it again I do have the feeling that it is special and that it is anything but mundane. And though sharing the stick I have found with you at Found A Stick is an end in itself I cannot but secretly hope that you might enlighten me with enlightenment as to you opinions on what this stick that I have found could possibly be.
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Well, Melissa thank you for sharing this most intriguing stick with us here at The Stick Foundry, home of Found A Stick. Let us say straight away that bottom line what you have here is a found stick, it’s as simple and as effective as that. And we would also add that found sticks are never, ever mundane unless of course they are mundane and that every found stick is equally special except some are more special that others. Your most intriguing stick is certainly special and anything but mundane. Though generally we shy away from the question of what a found stick was before it was a found stick (because most of the time the answer is: a part of a tree) we cannot deny that you have found a most intriguing stick that has been the subject of much conjecture here at Found A Stick. After this much conjecture we have come up with not one but two, some might venture to say, fanciful ideas of just what this most intriguing stick that has been the subject of much conjecture here at Found A Stick might have formally been former to it being a found stick. But before we commence with our fanciful ideas of just what this most intriguing stick that has been the subject of much conjecture here at Found A Stick might have formally been former to it being a found stick let us explain to you the ragged and splintery end mystery.

We find ourselves confidently stating that we believe that while your found stick is complete in itself as all found sticks are, originally it was a longer stick in length that has been broken possibly in half and that in fact you have only found the top half of the original stick. So with the ragged and splintery end mystery now we hope no longer a ragged and splintery end mystery we now will attempt to enlighten you with enlightenment as you secretly hoped we might do.

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Maybe this most intriguing stick, that has been the subject of much conjecture here at Found A Stick was in fact the business end of a conductor’s baton vigorously snapped in half by a disgruntled maestro when the evening’s orchestral practice in a nearby concert hall (or some similar venue suitable for an orchestra to practice in, say a church hall or the local scouts hut perhaps) was not to his exacting standards. The broken baton was then discarded at some point post breakage to somehow later turn up outside your front gate due to a series of chance events that we will not go into here and now but might go into there and after now but probably wont.

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But then again could this most intriguing stick, that has been the subject of much conjecture here at Found A Stick possibly be half of a magic wand, such as the one bespectacled teenage wizard Dennis Potter wields in such films as Dennis Potter And The Singing Detective and Dennis Potter And The Pennies From Heaven?

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Well fanciful as both these ideas might be we do know that while both maybe wrong it is self evident both cannot be right. We hope that the results of our conjecture are of some help and succour to you Melissa. Thank you for sharing the most intriguing stick you have found that has been the subject of much conjecture here at Found A Stick.